WAGE SLAVERY CHIC
Ethically sourced from child labor. Handcrafted by underpaid workers. Shipped via exploited gig economy.
CONSUME GUILT-FREE
Ethically sourced from child labor. Handcrafted by underpaid workers. Shipped via exploited gig economy.
CONSUME GUILT-FREE
Made in Bangladesh by 12-year-olds working 16-hour shifts (we pay them in company scrip)
Made in a Vietnamese prison factory (workers paid $0.23/hour before deductions)
Hand-painted by Indonesian orphans (we tell them it builds character)
Printed with carcinogenic dyes by workers with no protective equipment
Woven by debt-bonded workers in our Cambodian company compound
Mined by Congolese children, assembled by Uighur forced labor
We believe in getting them while they're young - tiny hands make precise stitches!
Our workers don't need unions - they're part of our corporate family!
We offset our pollution by planting one tree for every 10,000 products sold!
Human capital must be extracted at maximum efficiency. Sleep is theft. Breaks are communism.
Collective bargaining destroys shareholder value. We prefer collective suffering.
Payment in company scrip builds loyalty. Also our company towns have mandatory deductions.
Workplace accidents are cheaper than safety equipment. Plus, we can always hire more.
Buying our ironic anti-capitalist merch proves capitalism works. The more you buy, the more we can exploit!
